Hank Hill vs Sylvanas Windrunner
by Big Boy Writer
Summary: Sylvanas has gone to far this time! It's time for certain Propane salesman to kick her ass! I tell ya h'what.


It had seemed like just an average day for Hank. He was enjoying a nice game of football while drinking some nice cool refreshing beer. Nothing could possibly mess with his day… Well, that's what he thought at least.

The moment Bobby walked in the house with an annoyed and kinda disturbed look on his face, Hank knew his day was about to take a turn for the weird.

"What's wrong boy? Something happen at school?"

Bobby took a few moments to try and think of how to tell Hank. In the end though, he decided to just be blunt and direct.

"No Dad. Sylvanas Windrunner is out trying to rape random men again. This time she got Dale."

Hank was quite unhappy to hear this, though not surprised. Sylvanas had caused nothing but trouble the day she moved to Arlen. It was about time someone finally did something, and that someone was Hank Hill.

"Goddammit! I'm sick of her violating the good men of Arlen!"

Hank stood up and made his way outside. Normally Bobby would have just suggested letting the cops deal with her. Unfortunately, all the cops were still in therapy after Sylvanas had her way with them.

"Go get her dad."

Outside, Hank thought for sure that he would have to break into Sylvanas's house to rescue Dale. Instead, he was met with Sylvanas and Dale standing completely naked in the middle of the road. She seemed to be giving Dale a handjob, though Dales dick was completely flaccid.

"WHY WON'T YOU GET HARD?! HURRY UP!" Sylvanas yelled, clearly getting annoyed.

Dale didn't respond and only cried. Never before had he felt such cold lifeless hands. His attitude quickly changed though when he saw Hank walking up to them.

"FOR GOD SAKES HANK! HELP!"

Sylvanas stopped jerking Dale off. No one in Arlen had ever been brave enough to approach her while she was trying to get laid.

"What do you want Hank? Can't you see I'm busy here?"

Hank looked at his scared friend and looked back at Sylvanas. With no warning, Hank delivered a swift uppercut. This knocked her right on her back.

Dale at first was completely shocked but then smiled like he never smiled before.

"THANK YOU HANK! THANK YOU!"

Dale hugged Hank and was quickly pushed off.

"Dammit Dale, put some clothes on bef-"

Hank went silent when he noticed Sylvanas had already gotten back on her feet and looked VERY pissed. Dale looked back and a wave of fear hit him.

"NO! NOOOOO! AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Dale ran back to his house as fast as he could. Hank was now alone with Sylvanas. It was finally time for Hank to deal with her.

"So are you gonna leave town, or am I gonna have to kick your ass?" Hank asked, in a very serious tone.

Sylvanas looked like she was about to yell at him, but instead, she started to smile.

"How about I kick your ass, and then we have some fun?"

Hank already knew she wouldn't leave. He knew it was time to get his hands dirty… Not in that way.

"Welp… I'm gonna kick your ass! I tell ya h'what."

Hank put his fists up, ready to finally save his town. Sylvanas… Did nothing. She just stood there with a smile on her face. Hank wasn't sure what she was planning. But then, he felt something touching his crotch. Something cold.

"What?!"

Hank looked down and saw a Banshee rubbing his crotch. Her hands were so cold that he could feel them through his pants.

"BWAAA!"

He instinctively kneed the Banshee in the face. If she was still alive, she would have had one hell of a bloody nose.

"Don't fight it Hank… Embrace it…" The Banshee whispered.

The Banshee pulled her shirt down, revealing her pale breasts. She tried to go for his crotch again and was once again kneed in the face. To Hanks horror, he realized that his attacks were doing no damage. The only thing he could do was back away.

"N-No! I'm a happily married man!"

The Banshee didn't respond and took the rest of her clothes off. She was completely naked. She had nothing on except for her old looking jewel necklace.

As Hank watched as she got even closer to him, he started to wonder why she would leave her necklace on. But then, it came to him.

Hank picked a rock up off the ground and threw it directly at her necklace. The rock shattered it, and the Banshee stopped moving. In a matter of seconds, she disappeared while screaming. Only the broken necklace fragments remained. With her taken care of, Hank turned his attention back to Sylvanas.

"You got some..."

Hank looked around for Sylvanas, but she was nowhere to be seen. There was no way she would have actually left town, and Hank knew this. Many different possibilities started to rush through Hanks' head while he looked around for her.

"Now were did that God damn girl r-"

Hank was interrupted when an arrow went flying past his head. He quickly turned around to see Sylvanas holding her bow. Though she was now wearing her skimpy armor.

"I could have shot you in the head… But that's not the head I want."

Hank recoiled in disgust upon hearing this.

"Bwaaa! Why dont you just go have sex with corpses and stay out of my God damn town!?"

Sylvanas looked at him in confusion.

"You think I, the beautiful and sexy Sylvanas, would have sex with a disgusting corpse!?"

"..."

Hank couldn't even think of a response. Never before had he met such a not right woman.

"Well, I tried to convince ya Sylvanas. Now it's time to kick your ass!"

A dirty smile formed on her face upon hearing this.

"Good! I like it in the ass!"

Sylvanas started to rapidly take shots at Hank. Hank thought quickly and ran while dodging them. He managed to get to his garage and close it. A few arrows could be heard hitting the garage door.

"My God she's insane! I gotta take care of her now before she kills someone!"

Hank rummaged around his garage until he found his round saw. Just in time, as Sylvanas forced the garage door open.

"Give up Hank, just-"

Sylvanas stopped dead in her tracks when she saw Hank running at her with a saw. She instinctively blocked with her bow and watched as it was sawed in half. She wanted to yell at him but didn't when Hank turned the saw off.

"DAMMIT SYLVANAS, YOU DONT JUST GO AROUND DOING THAT! YOU COULD HAVE HIT SOMEONE!"

Sylvanas didn't respond and kicked the saw out of Hanks' hands. Hank quickly backed away and grabbed a hammer. He swung at her and managed to hit her in the face. She was visibly in pain.

"Are you gonna stop now? Or do I gotta hit you again?"

Sylvanas rubbed her face in pain and started to cry.

"D-Do you have any idea what it's like to be so alone?! I JUST WANT THINGS TO GO BACK TO HOW THEY USED TO BE!"

Sylvanas started to bawl. Hank felt kinda bad for her. Though he still kept his guard up.

"Well, Sylvanas. Maybe people would like you more if you stopped raping every God damn man you came across."

Sylvanas wiped away her tears and looked at Hank.

"You humans are just overreacting! You should be happy that a High Elf would even consider fucking you…"

Hank started to turn red with rage.

"HOW DELUSIONAL ARE YOU?! KAHN IS IN A PSYCHIATRIC WARD BECAUSE OF YOU!"

Sylvanas stared at Hank in confusion.

"That just shows how good I am! You humans can't comprehend true pleasure!"

Hank had enough and hit her really hard in the face. Some blood could be seen as she fell on her back. Hank stood over her and got ready to hit her again. Unfortunately, Sylvanas quickly reached up and grabbed Hank by the nuts.

"BBBWWWAAAAAAAA!"

Hank dropped the hammer in an attempt to pull her hand off. Sylvanas squeezed even harder and caused Hank to cry out even louder. He didn't have the strength to try and escape anymore.

Sylvanas smiled and let go. She shoved Hank to the side and stood up while looking at him. Hank was crying and could barely move.

"If you just let me have my way, this wouldn't have had to happen."

Sylvanas started to undress while thinking of all the kinky things she would do to Hank. However, she stopped when she heard the sound of someone running. She looked outside and saw a woman holding a metal baseball bat.

"GET OFF OF MY HUSBAND!"

Before she could react, Peggy swung and hit Sylvanas on the side of her head. Sylvanas was knocked on the ground but still conscious. Peggy didn't let up and started to repeatedly hit Sylvanas.

Sylvanas blocked the hits with her arms while crying a little. Peggy had denied her Hanks cock.

"HOYA! YOU DONT MESS WITH MY MAN!"

Peggy continued her attack until Hank finally stood up. Hank was still in pain but he managed to smile when he saw what Peggy had done. Peggy dropped her bat and hugged him.

"Hank! What were you thinking? She could have scarred you for life!"

"I know honey, but I couldn't just let her- HEY!"

Hank noticed that Sylvanas was trying to crawl away. Peggy picked the bat back up and walked over to Sylvanas.

"YOU'RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE YOU BITCH!"

Peggy hit Sylvanas very hard in the back of her head. She was still alive after the hit but was now completely dazed. Bobby came out to make sure everything was ok and smiled when he saw Sylvanas laying on the ground.

"You got her! You guys finally got her!"

Bobby ran outside to tell everyone that Sylvanas was finally beat. They were all skeptical but still came out to see. The moment they all saw her laying on the ground, a wave of relief washed over them.

"That dang'ol girl finally beat! We're dang'ol free!"

Everyone started to cheer. That was until a bunch of green smoke suddenly filled the air around them. No one could see anything. The sounds of footsteps and coughing were all that could be heard. When the smoke finally cleared, Sylvanas was gone.

They all looked around and noticed a zeppelin flying away. There was no way any of them could catch it, so they just watched as it slowly disappeared in the sky.

"What the hell just happened?" Minh asked, quite pissed.

"Isn't it obvious? She was clearly sent by the Government to-"

"Dammit Dale! This is no time for your conspiracy theories!" Hank interrupted.

No one knew what to do. They all stood their confused and a little worried. If she came back, who knows what she would do.

Everyone went back to their houses and made sure to lock their doors. Hank sat down in his chair to recover from the violent nut grabbing he received. The last time his nuts were that damaged was when Bobby kicked him.

As Hank was thinking about the day's events, there was a knock at the front door. Bobby came out to answer it. All he saw was a note left on the ground, which he immediately gave to Hank.

Hank looked at the note in confusion before reading it.

"_Dear Mr. Hill. We apologize for the mental trauma that Sylvanas has caused to your small town. We can assure you that this will never happen again and that you will all be financially compensated for all damage done. Checks will be sent out by tomorrow. We are also currently working on Kahn's mental health, and expect him to make a full recovery in two weeks. This same letter will be sent to everyone in your town (With different names of course). Again, we apologize for all that has happened and are currently working to make sure something like this never happens again. _

_\- Signed, Vereesa Windrunner._"

Hank was even more confused now, but also relieved. He wanted nothing more than to grill up some nice juicy burgers for everyone in town. But for now, he needed to rest.


End file.
